Cell Block Tango
by TheTimelordTourist
Summary: "Stop, Fix, Filth, Pumpkin, Symphony, Physics" Freida has a very... different dream. Based off Chicago's Cell Block Tango.


**So, all in good fun. This idea's been playing around in my head for awhile, and was super fun to write. Enjoy! :D**

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><p><em>"Stop,"<em>

"_Fix,"_

"_Filth," _

"_Pumpkin," _

"_Symphony," _

"_Physics"_

Frieda immediately knows that she's dreaming, because she's wearing a gray dress, and that so clashes with her hair. She's in a dark room, sitting on a cold metal chair, and she can barely see the outline of a raised platform about twenty feet in front of her. Somewhere off to her right there's the echoing sound of a slowly leaking faucet, a steady _drip… drip… drip…_ that she's certain will drive her crazy before long. She fingers the edge of her dress and looks down to try to see through the dark what exactly she's wearing. By the feel of it, it's made of gingham. She doesn't like it.

There's the sound of machinery clanking high above her, and a fat beam of light slices through the darkness, landing on the raised platform. She realizes that the platform is a stage just as the figure of a man in a '30s-style suit steps into the spotlight.

"_And now, the six merry murderesses of the Adams County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango"_

And just like that, the man vanishes from the spotlight, and Frieda begins to realize what's going on. The drippy faucet has changed to a rhythmic tinny drumbeat, and a woman's voice comes from somewhere on the stage.

"_Stop,"_

"_Fix,"_

"_Filth," _

"_Pumpkin," _

"_Symphony," _

"_Physics"_

Frieda listens as the six different voices snowball into one and chant,

"_He had it coming!  
>He had it coming!<br>He only had himself to blame!  
>If you'd have been there,<br>If you'd have seen it,"_

"I betcha you would have done the same!"

Freida listen as a single voice takes over the last line, and realizes with startling clearity that it's _Lucy_ singing. She nearly laughes out loud, however, when Peppermint Patty steps into the light, until she starts talking.

"You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Chuck.  
>Chuck liked to talk.<br>No, not talk. _Whine_.  
>So I came home this one day and I am really irritated, and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy<br>and there's Chuck lying on the couch, talking on the phone  
>No, not talking,<br>_Whining_. So, I said to him,  
>I said, "You stop right now or else" But he didn't.<br>So I took my lucky bat off the wall  
>and I let lose a killer home-run..."<p>

A sicking smile spreads across the girl's face.

"_In. To. His. Head._"

The other five voices join hers as they chant;

"_He had it coming  
>He had it coming<br>He only had himself to blame  
>If you'd have been there<br>If you'd have heard it  
>I betcha you would<br>Have done the same!"_

She moves from the first spotlight into the second, and another figure steps forward. Freida recognizes Patty. She's sauntering forward with one hand on her hip, her eyes shadowed by straight cut bangs, and she looks fabulous.

"I met back up with Shermy in college about two years ago  
>and he told me he was single<br>and we hit it off right away.  
>So, we started dating.<br>He'd go to work, he'd come home,  
>I'd fix him a drink, we'd go out dinner.<br>And then I found out:  
>"Single" he told me. <em>Single, my ass<em>.  
>Not only was he dating someone...<br>Oh, no, he was dating the entire girls soccer team. One of those Playboys, you know?  
>So that night when he came home from work,<br>I fixed him his drink, as usual."

She throws back her head with a little laugh that doesn't fit the mood at all.

"You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."

The voices start back up as Patty melts back into the shadows.

"_He had it coming  
>He had it coming<br>He took a flower  
>In its prime<br>And then he used it  
>And he abused it<br>It was a murder  
>But not a crime!"<em>

Violet struts forward, looking just as classy and gorgeous as ever.

"Now, I like to keep a clean house, particularly when I host parties. So un-proper not to.  
>In storms my husband Mark in all his glory.<br>All of his filthy, _unkempt_ glory.  
>I'd just had it with the consent clean,<br>So I took matters into my own hands.  
>I'm no rocket scientist"<p>

She pauses,

"How was I supposed to know those chemicals would kill him?"

"_If you'd have been there  
>If you'd have seen it<br>I betcha you would have done the same"_

Sally takes over the spotlight, the confusion on her face not out of place.

"I don't understand why I'm here. It's not like I did anything wrong. I was going to meet Linus at the pumpkin patch one more time before he left for college, And now I'm here. The police told me I strangled him, but I can barely tie my shoes! I tried to explain it must've been the Great Pumpkin, but they just wouldn't listen."

"_Yeah, but did you do it?" _Freida asks.

Sally shrugs,

"Well no, _not really_."

Freida barely has a moment to take in the blunt words before the lighting shifts. She's still staring at the darkness where Sally was sitting when the background music is replaced by a soft piano melody, and for once she's almost scared about the next verse.

Lucy's draped across Schroeder's piano, her black hair spilling over one shoulder as her nails clicked against it's surface.

"Schroeder and I moved to New York after high school,  
>I was going to NYU and he was going to Julliard.<br>Now, we were doing pretty well for ourselves, as well as two college students can.  
>Schroeder'd even managed to get a job playing for a off-Broadway show while writing his first symphony.<br>So this one night after the show we're having this great party with some of the cast,  
>All of us, boozing, having a few laughs and we ran out of ice.<br>So I go out to get some."

She slides off the piano in a move that's equal parts scary and seductive.

"I come back, open the door, and went to make sure no one was in our room. And there's Schroeder, at the piano, screwing some anorexic chorus girl."

Lucy grips Schroeder's shoulders, her nails digging into his skin. She slowly relaxes her hands as she continues.

"Well, I was in such a state of shock,  
>I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing.<br>It wasn't until later, when I was looking back at the fire,  
>I even knew they were dead."<p>

Freida can't help but wince as she grabs his shirt, yanking him off the piano bench, and the music practically _explodes_. "He had it coming!" Lucy belts.

"_He had it coming!_" the girls echo, dragging the boys of their respective verses onto the stage.

"He had it coming all along!"

"_All along!_"

"I didn't do it!"

"_She didn't do it!_"

"But if I'd done it?"

"_But if she'd done it?_"

"How could you tell me that I was wrong?"

The music swells and vibrates over the stage as the five couples on stage tango in a circle around each other, the girls dominating the boys with every jerking motion.

"They had it coming!" Lucy cries.

"_They had it coming!_"

"They had it coming all along!"

"_They took a flower in its prime!_"

"I didn't do it!"

"_And then they used it!_"

"But if I'd done it?"

"_And they abused it!_"

"How could you tell me that I was wrong?"

The couples freeze as their spotlights dim and Marcie appears in the middle of the stage.

"Franklin was the first guy I ever meet who was on my level of intelligence, and we got along perfectly. I loved him as much as I loved algebraic equations, and he felt the same. But then he decide he wanted to study _physics. _ I guess you could say we broke up because miscalculations."

She giggles lightly, something Freida's never heard her do before.

"He wanted to stay alive, but somethings didn't add up."

The other girls shove their partners back into the shadows, and all six spin through a web of footwork. "_The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!_"

Peppermint Patty, Violet, and Sally broke off into one group while Lucy, Patty, and Marcie stayed together and they began to echo off each other.

"_They had it coming!_"

"_They had it coming!_"

"_They had it coming all along!_"

"'_Cause if they used us!_"

"_And they abused us!_"

"_How could you tell us that we were wrong?_"

"You stop right now or else!" Peppermint Patty demands.

"Single my ass!" Patty says, rolling her eyes.

"I'm no rocket scientist!" Violet states defensively.

"Well no, not really!" Sally answers.

"I can't remember a thing!" Lucy says, eyes widening in mock innocence.

"Somethings didn't add up!" Marcie laughed.

Freida jolts awake, stumbling sleepily towards her bathroom to shut off the faucet.

"_Stop,"_

"_Fix, "_

"_Filth,"_

"_Pumpkin," _

"_Symphony," _

"_Physics"_

She thinks maybe she should have told Lucy to try out when the school did Chicago. She would have made a killer Velma Kelly afterall.

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><p><strong>I think my favorite verse was Lucy's, though I really like Sally's too. Review!<strong>


End file.
